How to Kill a Ninja
by KitKatBarStory
Summary: When Garu gets an anonymous letter, it seems as though luck and pride have finally found its way towards him. But when he embarks on his journey, determined to regain his honor, he will encounter much more than he expected...GaruxPucca, AbyoxChing
1. Brains vs Brawn

**AN: Right, so. My first multi-chaptered contribution to the Pucca fandom. I sincerely thank Johnnycakes (JohnnyMakesNuts) and IWearShortShorts for the extra inspiration and 'boost' I needed to start this. Thanks, guys!**

**I can't say how many chapters this will have. Probably a lot -(15+)- but only if I get some sort of response. So, on with the show.**

**P.S: -Anyone who can figure out what's special about the intro gets a cookie!**

**-KKBS**

Garu couldn't believe his ears.

"Ah hah! I have you now, Garu!" An all-too familiar ninja cried out victoriously. "You are like a June bug, caught in the windshield wipers of my insufferable VENGEANCE!"

Garu just rolled his eyes. Was this guy serious? His idiotic monologue made him wish that it was Tobe who had taken the vow of silence, not him. Nevertheless, those delightful thoughts were shaken away as the ninja refocused on the task at hand-he _was, _after all, in a bit of a tight situation. Having finally realized after fifteen years that his clan was not a particularly bright bunch, his rival decided that, if brains couldn't beat him, then brawns was the best way to go.

No less than two hundred of his minions stood before him, enclosing him within the heart of the bamboo forest, with no room for a quick escape. There were dozens lining the plants' stalks as well, in case he should try and make an aerobatic departure. And, of course, their leader stood in the middle of the crowd, laughing his head off like the insane little maniac that he was. After wiping a tear from his eye, the blue-clad ninja straightened his posture, unsheathed his swords, and screamed bloody murder.

"Ninjas….ATTACK!"

Everything was silent for a moment, and Tobe was left with a wavering finger pointed at the enemy. After a few more seconds, there came a reaction.

"Whuh?" Resounded throughout the forest, accompanied by mumbling and shrugs.

"Whuzzat guy doin'?"

"Ooooh!" Their leader pouted, making a face much like a spoiled child. "It means you must _attack _Garu!"

"Oooh." Two hundred voices cooed.

"Now," he resumed his finger-pointing stance. "Ninjas…ATA-A-AAACK!"

His battle cry was cut off as he was swamped by his band of idiots, who, after finally getting the message, charged at the lone pig-tailed boy standing in their wake. The mass of imbeciles crashed through the foliage, clearing a path almost instantly. A few unfortunate blokes were stomped beneath the crowd, but no one noticed.

Garu licked his lips and kept his sword in front of him, counting down the seconds until impact.

10.

9.

8.

A single bead of sweat trickled down his brow.

7.

"Huuh...uughh…ah!" Tobe managed to pull himself out of the sea of bodies, settling upon the heads of several of his minions, his back towards the setting sun in the horizon.

"Prepare to meet your doom, Garu!"

3.

Garu lifted his ninjato even higher and bared his teeth, bracing himself.

2.

WHAM-O.

Let me rephrase that.

WHAMMM-OOO!!

With absolute perfect timing, a tornado of red and black leaped in front of him, kicking a few of the closest ninjas away, and sending the rest of the crowd scrambling in an attempt to see their attacker. Most of them did not have that luxury, having been knocked out long before they could catch a glimpse of the feminine features and giggle that so defined their assailant. Of course, their original target knew who his rescuer was almost immediately. Who else laughed like that during battle?

Under normal circumstances he would have let out an exasperated sigh, but there was no time for that now. Garu recovered himself, and assumed the position to the right of Pucca.

Though both were skilled fighters, two hundred versus two was not an easy obstacle to overcome. Every second there was another pair of fists, or clumsy kicks aimed their way. The boy dodged them with grace and agility, while the girl's approach was much different-beat them the hell away. It seemed to work, though, because only a few minutes into the fight the crowd had disassembled itself, and most of the once-ominous crowd was running away, yelling stupidly and bumping into each other in their mad flee.

The battle was over so quickly it was unbelievable.

"No! NO! Don't run away you cowards!" Tobe cried out, his face red after his platform had run out from under him. "Get back here!"

By the time he had finished his last wail, only a few dozen remained, most of which ran right by him. The others were on the ground, having been squished flat.

"Come back you-uh…yes?"

There was a tap to his back, and he turned around to answer. His only answer was a sharp kick to his stomach, delivered by the prey he had been so close to capturing.

"I'll get you Garu!! And you girlfriend too….!" He screamed as he faded into the distant tree line.

The boy with the funny hair let a small grin crack upon his lips. Pucca's convenient timing, the idiocy of his enemy and his overly-dramatic departure was enough that even the most serious of ninjas found it funny. Geez, it was almost as if they were living in a cartoon.

The smirk instantly faded away as Garu turned around, only to be come face-to-face with a grin that could top his any day. And, of course, the giggle to go along with it.

"Ehhh!"

His eyes darted around wildly as Pucca's lips puckered, searching for any means of escape. It wasn't as if he didn't like her-heck no, he admired her like he had no other. She was the only person in all of Sooga village who could best him, after having no training whatsoever. And she was a girl, no less. However, as much as he admired her, he wasn't ready to be smooched into suffocation. At least until he was honestly willing to return the favor.

Hastily, he bowed to her, nodding his head politely. Perhaps she was annoying, but she had saved his life yet again, and that at least called for respect. Sadly, this show of manners only heightened her infatuation with him.

She squealed louder than ever and leaned in, much to his chagrin. Using all of his strength, the boy jumped into the air and conjured up an impressive number of clones before landing in a circle around 

the confused girl. As quickly as possible he sent the duplicates racing in all directions, darting about the bamboo forest and the hills below while he took off through the foliage himself. The love-stricken girl frowned for a moment before taking off after a clone headed towards Sooga village. Meanwhile, Garu breathed a sigh of relief from his perch atop the bamboo. As sharp as his technique was, Pucca was bound to wise up to it. She always found a way to get to him.

But for now, he was free from her bone-shattering hugs and assault on his face. A hint of red found it way across his cheeks as he remembered the last time that happened…

…Before he shook himself steady, ridding his mind of all romantic thoughts. Ninjas were not allowed to harbor feelings, he reminded himself. He was her friend. That was as close to feeling as was permissible.

He had to remember that.

Those were his last thoughts before the teen launched himself into the air, swinging through the bamboo to his house in the heart of the forest.

--PGPGPGPG--

Pucca stampeded towards her lover, desperate for a kiss as payment. Sure, Garu was polite, and that was one of the many reasons she liked him-but a bow never did cut it for her. He bowed to Tobe after a fight, and she certainly did not want to be placed on the same line of importance as him. She quickened her pace, closing in on the object of her affections, who wore no less than a terrified expression on his face. As they rounded a corner the girl pounced, capturing the ninja in her arms while he squirmed and made a face. Which, as she soon noticed, was a smile.

Something was wrong.

And it was, for only a second later the boy within her grip disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving her with nothing but a pair of empty arms.

Pucca growled, heading back towards the Goh-Rhong.

She would catch him-one day.

--PGPGPGPG--

Upon nearing the edge of the bamboo forest, the ninja looked around to make sure his admirer had not somehow followed him, and dropped from the plants. The twenty-something foot drop was hardly a challenge for him, but today he stumbled and almost lost his footing as he touched down. Garu sighed for the umpteenth time that day; Pucca would do that to him. One moment he would be full of energy, the next, a drained bundle of rags. Her repeated attempts to chase him were exhausting.

Entering the house-which was really more of a dojo with a small bed and a fridge-he slid out of his regular black suit, and into a pair of blue-striped pajamas. Stretching, he took a long, deep breath, enjoying the relaxation dusk always brought for him. No restricting attire, no training, and no grinning girls to chase him. Garu settled into his bed with those comforting thoughts, more than ready to fall asleep to them, when something brushed against his arm.

"Mew."

Ah, it was only Mio. For a moment the teen had thought perhaps Pucca had snuck into his house…again.

He stared into the cat's yellow eyes, trying to understand what his companion was telling him. They had always shared an unusually strong bond and understanding. Since neither spoke, it made them that much more eager to listen.

"Oh."

Garu suddenly remembered that he hadn't checked his mail at all that day. Usually it was just junk or love letters from Pucca, but from time to time an important letter regarding his current status or updates to his ninja license was found waiting for him. Grumbling a bit, he rose from his relaxed position over to the front door. Not bothering to step outside, he opened it just a crack and felt around for his mail box. Surprisingly, his hand closed around a letter.

Pulling it back into the dojo, he leaned against the wall and ripped it open, curious to see who it was from-it was unlike the letters from the Ninja Academy in both size and print, nor was it pink and covered in hearts. As his eyes scanned the message inside, they widened after every line that was read. Frozen in disbelief, Garu dropped the paper and steadied himself against the wall.

This was big.

_Very _big.

**AN: Cliffhanger. Yay! Review you warlocks, or I shall unleash my wrath!!1one!!**


	2. Where Is He?

Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own Pucca, you idiots. If I did I'd be dead by now from the pure awesomeness of it all. In short, Pucca is copyrighted to Vooz and Studio B Productions, Vancouver Canada. (Go Canada.) I just write fanfics for pleasure.**

**AN: Holy cow, an update? Yowza! This one is probably a major headstone for plot advancement, so read carefully. Well, part of it is. The other part I wrote for laughs. :P**

-KKBS

**Please enjoy**

**Chapter 2**

"Hey Ching! Wanna see something really spectacular?"

Sooga's village's leading Kung Fu man puffed out his chest and plastered a smile on his face that would put Ronald McDonald to shame. Planting himself right in front of his friend-who-was-a-girl (or girlfriend, no one was 100 percent sure) it became apparent he wasn't going to budge until he had shown off a little. Despite his dripping chauvinism, Ching giggled and laced her hands together.

"Sure, Abyo. What's new today?"

"What's new! EVERYTHING's new with me, mon cherry!"

At this, Abyo put a hand around her shoulder and whispered into her ear, "That's French, y'know."

As was expected, the girl let out another squeal.

"Agile and bilingual. How nice!"

The boy pulled away and nodded.

"Agile is right! Watch this!"

Flexing his neck, hand, arms, and every other available appendage, he crouched down, preparing for a spring-loaded jump into the tree tops beside his house.

"HIIIIIIYYYYYYAAA-…ups!" He stopped. "Almost forgot."

SHHHHFFFFFFPPPPP!!

"HIIIIIIIIYYYYYYAAAAAAAA!!"

Now that his confining black shirt was out of the way, Abyo leapt into the air, paused for some awesome hang-time…..and did a single back flip.

The same back flip he'd been doing for at least 10 years.

"Wow, Abyo! That was great!" The bubbly teenager sang out, clapping wildly and hopping up and down.

"Buck-aw!"

"Ooops-sorry, Won!"

The martial artist struck a dramatic pose as he touched down, the dust clearing in the most convenient of ways. After a few moments he got up, brushed the dirt off of his white shirt, and placed his hands on his hips.

"Just remember that THE best Kung-Fu warrior in all of everywhere is here to protect you, buddy! Nobody can outsmart, out-fight, or catch me off-gua--aaaahhh!"

A steamroller, or something to that extent smashed into him before his ego was fully inflated, sending the boy crashing to the ground. Ching clasped her hands over her ears as a horrible screech resonated through the air a second afterwards. It appeared that the steamroller had come to a stop.

"Ooooh…what the hi-ya was THAT??" Abyo cried out, lifting himself from the ground and rubbing his sore head.

"I think it was a plow truck." Ching answered slowly, before perking up.

"Oh, wait-it's just Pucca."

Indeed, the steamroller-plow truck was in fact the noodle delivery girl. Who, one might add, was not looking very happy.

"Oi, be more careful, Pucca!" Abyo grumbled as he picked himself up. "You could have bruised me!"

If they were ever open, she would have rolled her eyes. Instead, she gave him a blank stare.

Ching, being a bit more compassionate than Abyo, could sense that something was wrong. She would rarely ever find her friend without a smile on her face, and this was one of those times. Though a rare occasion, she usually knew why it happened.

"Pucca, what's wrong? Does it have to do with Garu?"

She was right, of course. The motherly instinct that had kicked in her since birth came in handy in situations like this. After seeing the solemn nod in reply and slump of her friend's shoulders, she immediately walked over to do a little comforting. Ching placed her hand on Pucca's back just as the delivery girl began to shudder and sob, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes.

"Shhh…there, there."

Something finally clicked in his thick skull, and Abyo's eyebrows turned inwards. He took his place on her opposite side, and patted her back timidly.

"Uuuuhh…don't cry, Pucca. What happened?"

As soon as the question was asked the quiet sobs turned into screeches and yowling like he had never heard before. Ching, unable to shoot him a dirty look, glared at him sadly.

"What?"

"Boys." Ching whispered into her friend's ear, garnering a small chuckle amid the tears.

The screaming finally slowed down to sniffles, and the two both let out a silent sigh of relief. When the waterworks came to a complete stop, Ching gave it a second try.

"Okay, Pucca. Show us what happened."

One last teardrop hit the floor, and the girl nodded again. Forgetting her own speed, Pucca took off for the bamboo forest surrounding Sooga village. Ching and Abyo both looked at each other for a moment, their mouths in perfect 'o''s, before taking off after her. As they sprinted, trying desperately to catch up with their friend, Ching fell behind, side-tracking long enough to pull a backpack out of one of her pockets. She fumbled and slowed down as she took Won from her comfortable perch atop her head and placed the chicken inside the bag. It was tedious, but there was no way she could run otherwise. Looking over his shoulder smugly, the boy was shocked to see that she was not right behind him. He slowed up as well, matching her pace as she tried to get the knapsack onto her back.

"We'll never catch up to Pucca like this!" Abyo exclaimed, raising his arms in emphasis.

"Tell you what-why don't you ride on my back?"

Had she not been huffing and puffing, Ching might have noticed the sly grin on his face as he offered her his back. Gasping, she nodded hastily and clambered onto him. After making sure she had a secure grip around his neck, the great warrior took off at an amazing speed….

…And got about ten feet before collapsing onto the ground.

Of course, he had to land all tangled up with her. As embarrassing as their position was, neither had unchaste thoughts as they struggled to unwind themselves from each other.

"Heh…heh…Sorry…Ching…" Abyo wheezed. "You're too…heavy."

The girl stopped wiggling for a moment and froze. Realizing his poor choice of words, Abyo shot up, blabbering for his life.

"But not in a bad way! I was just-uh-I was tired and I couldn't hold onto you, so...ya, I let go-but not on purpose!"

"That's okay, Abyo." Ching replied, the frown cleaned from her face. He smiled nervously.

"So, uh-I guess we'll just have to walk until will catch up, huh?"

"Guess so."

And they did just that, following the trail of broken foliage that was either the pathway of a stampede of elephants-

-or Pucca.

-GPGPGPGPGPGPGPGPGPGPGPGPGP-

"So I said to him-get your foot out of my soup, man!" His voice rose as he delivered the punch line of his story, and Ching laughed accordingly.

"Oh, Abyo-you tell the funniest jokes." She managed to spit out in between laughs.

He whipped a tear from his own eye, and sighed.

"Yeah-they're almost as funny as yours!"

Ching quieted down and relished in that statement. That was about the closest thing to a compliment Abyo would ever say, and she would not take it lightly. Unaware of the girl smiling dreamily at him, the Kung Fu fighter snapped his head forwards.

"Hey, the trail ends here-right in front of Garu's house!"

Surprise, surprise.

"I guess we're going to have to check things out, huh?"

The duo headed over to the front of the house, where a very distraught girl was standing in the front doorway. Silent as always, Pucca simply pointed at the door.

"What's so special about a door?" Abyo piped up.

Growling in frustration, Pucca stabbed at the wooden framework again, stamping her foot as she did so.

"Oh.." Ching whispered. "There's a note on the front."

"I _knew _that!"

As they got closer, the words on the note became clearer. Pucca stepped out of their way as Ching ripped the paper from the tack holding it in place.

"Dear Garu…" Ching began under her breath, Abyo listening intently over her shoulder.

Dear Garu,

This letter has been written, stamped and sent to you by someone who has known you for a very long time. The name shall remain anonymous, but the message should be clear:

Your parents, Kyouko and Hari were recently located and sent to the village of Kinshou, Japan. Days after their arrival they disappeared. Our suspicions were confirmed when we discovered that they had been taken hostage by a member of your family's rival clan-Tobe.

This letter was sent in the hopes that you would be able to assist us in finding your parents, if the journey to Japan is not too tedious. If you agree, this mission will no doubt restore _honor _to your family's name.

Signed,

AMP.

"That's weird…the honor was italicized. It's like someone knew how funny Garu gets when he hears that." The girl pointed out, putting the letter down. "Why would someone do that?"

"Tobe? Wha? What's Tobe doing in Japan?"

"The Tobe in Sooga village is Tobe Jr., remember? The letter must mean his father."

"Sounds bogus to me. I betcha he wrote it himself to lure 'im." Abyo sniffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

The delivery girl beside them shook her head vigorously.

"Pucca's right, Abyo. Tobe couldn't have written something as formal as this. I've seen his writing when he auditioned in that poetry contest last year. He spelled out 'o-w-t.'"

"So this is a REAL thing?!"

The two girls nodded their heads.

"Holy ninja stars! We gotta tell Garu!"

Finally having snapped, Pucca growled and slapped him upside the head.

"I think Garu already left, Abyo."

"Oooooh."

Ching turned to the other girl.

"That's why you're so upset, right Pucca? Garu left without telling anyone?"

Pucca nodded.

"No problem-o there, ladies." The martial artist resumed his cocky stance. "WE will go after him. With you two fine women accompanied by me, we'll find him and help him find his parents."

"So….does anyone know what direction Japan is in?"

They shook their heads. Abyo **did **have a valid idea, even if he had a stupid way of going about it. They needed to find Garu. If he was going to fight some older ninja to free his parents, then he would need his best friends to accompany him. There was no way they were letting him go on an adventure all on his own.

As the trio headed back to Sooga village, discussing their options and the possibility of buying a map and sneaking out in the middle of the night, none of them noticed three other shadows peeking out from within the bushes.

"So, Garu and friends one two and three are going to Japan, eh?" A teenager with a very pale face murmured to her two companions. "We must inform Tobe!"

The redhead to her right (who was also very pale) frowned and grabbed a pink umbrella from behind his back, shaking it at her threateningly.

"What about 'all for one and one for all', heh? Why do we need to tell your lover-boy and have to split the booty? –Geck-!" He let out a twitch, then resumed his angry stance. Bingure-or Clown, which was his pet name-was not a force to be reckoned with.

"Because he can help us to defeat Garu!" Jing Jing, more commonly known as Chief replied.

The figure to her left decided he was due for an input, and rattled his staff.

"We can beat him with my magic! Watch!"

He cleared his throat and recited a spell of black magic, waving his staff as he chanted.

"Iggity aggity, yak yak yak, ikkity ikkity wu-pang froo wamp-oo-ya!"

He aimed the spell at a nearby rock, which turned into a lovely daisy.

"Oops. Hehe."

Clown and Chief rolled their eyes at Shaman's rather pitiful display of dark magic.

"Tell you what, Clown." Chief turned to him, looking him straight in the eyes. "If Tobe helps us, you can have my share of the loot. Agreed?"

That certainly got his attention.

"It's-geck!-a deal!" He happily agreed, shaking her hand to seal the deal.

"Okay then-let's head back."

The Vagabond clan started off towards Tobe's house, which was in the opposite direction. Before they could clear the trees, however, Shaman's dark witchcraft finally kicked in.

"YYYAAHHHH!!"

All three turned and screamed as the daisy, now equipped with a mouthful of teeth, advanced towards them.

A few hundred feet in the other direction, another trio slowed down as one party member stopped in his tracks.

Abyo sniffed the air for a moment, having caught an interesting scent.

"Does anyone else smell people getting eaten?"

-GPGPGPGPGPGP-

**AN: So, I had trouble coming up with an ending and this is what I settled upon. xD To tell you the truth, though, I LOVED writing for the Vagabonds. Seriously, they're awesome. Especially Clown. ******

**Thanks for reading, please review. Chapter 3 up soon, hopefully. ;)**


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